This is written to myself, in the past and in the future, to keep fighting and keep dreaming and keep going on, no matter how things end up, because life is beautiful. Don’t forget it.
Even if there is no hope, you have to keep breathing.
You have no hope. I get it. Life sucks. You’re sad, you’re depressed, you’re lonely, you’re afraid. You dont know what’s going on. Nothing you do seems to get anywhere, seems to fix anything. Other people make it look so easy. You work so hard and get so little. You want things you can’t have. You’ve lost things you won’t get back. Whatever. I get it. Life fucking sucks.
Do you feel that pain in your heart? Take a moment and feel it, because that is you. Every day that it hurts, that is you hurting. That pain is your pain. Go and take all the sadness and despair and hopelessness and loss and anger and frustration and really let it sit there right in your heart. Feel it course through your body. Feel the pain ebb out throughout your heart and soul. Feel every beat and every thump and every little twitch and let the weight of the pain take a hold of you and crush you. Feel everything. Remember all of those feelings.
That is all you.
You are all those feelings and more. You are every dulled ache and every harsh rip in your soul. You are every single fiber of your suffering. You are the pain through your body everyday. You are all the pain and suffering and sadness and aching and loss.
You are alive.
One day you won’t be. And that will be a sad day. Because that day, we will lose someone whose pain and suffering and hopes and dreams will never exist again.
Because you are the pain, but you are also the hope.
Every day that you’re alive, you keep all those hopes and dreams alive. You have no hope? Don’t lie to me. I know you do. Everyone hopes. Everyone dreams. I know because I’ve been there. I am there. I’ve given up. I’ve worked upwards and then I’ve lost it all again and worked upwards and lost it all again and again and again. I’ve learned my lessons and then forgot them and learned them all over again. I’ve built a fortress around my heart and soul and have had it unlocked and then smashed to pieces over and over. Hope has come and gone, and come and gone for me all the time.
But every day I’m alive, I keep my dreams alive. I keep those hopes alive. Maybe the hope is waiting on the other side of that hill. Maybe it’s on the other side of that mountain. That river. That ocean. Inside that building. With that group of people talking you’ve never met before. With that club you never make it to. Walking past you every morning because you wake up too late. Maybe … maybe one day you will turn around the corner and you will realize that all your hopes and dreams are back and alive and brilliant. You will never know unless you are alive.
And that pain. Yes that pain. Everyday it sucks. Everyday it hurts. Don’t fight it. Wear it on your sleeve. Let the pain grow and grow and become a part of you. You are the pain. You are pain. You are every feeling that you will ever feel, because there is no one like you in the universe. And you are the only one who will ever feel that pain in that way. And that is beautiful. Keep that pain alive and let the world know that you are alive. That you are the pain and the sorrow, and the hopes and dreams that you bring along with you.
When you have lost all hope, you have to keep going. You have to keep those hopes and dreams alive. Because without the pain, you also lose the dreams. Without the sadness, you lose the happiness. Without you, we lose all your pain and sadness. And without you, we lose all your happiness and hopes and dreams. Without you, we lose you. And that is the saddest thing I can imagine.
So never give up. Never ever. Keep those those dreams alive. There’s no one like you in the universe.